One of the biggest blocks we encounter as small business owners is fear. Not many of us want to face it or even realise it’s there in us. Instead our fear shows up as procrastination, avoidance activities, boredom, confusion and even arrogance. If this is you, trust me, you can manage it and deal with it.
You are not alone. Let me confess…I have a lot of fears and many of them quite ridiculous and irrational. I wrote a list down once of all my fears and there were so many stupid ones including fear of pigeons (…it’s a long story). Business-wise if I’m honest I can still sometimes feel weird about making sales calls or even being visible online.
But the moment I committed to developing myself as an entrepreneur I had to accept that I would either have to feel fear a lot more often or simply flatline. Running your own business, growing yourself and trying new things just automatically tends to bring up that big ol’ F Factor.
The first time I spoke to a very large, international crowd I was in my early twenties as a guest speaker at a UNESCO conference. I felt so sick with fear that as I was standing in the wings waiting for my name to be announced I seriously contemplated running away. All I could think was, “I’m not ready, I‘m not clever enough, I’m not good enough”. Instead of taking flight, I took a deep breath and stepped on stage. I will never forget that moment of choice. Even now decades later, despite the many, many times I have spoken in public to audiences from handfuls to hundreds both in the UK and abroad, I still often feel nervous just before giving a public talk and I still never feel I’m clever enough.
Would these things scare you…?
I can remember clear as day all the times I have felt major fear – who doesn’t? These are times I would definitely not describe my bodily sensations as simple ‘anxiety’. No, these were times of full-on fight or flight: heart pumping a four-to-the-floor beat, nausea, dry mouth and disaster movies flashing across my mind. So here’s my top 6:
1. …the time I went on a rollercoaster in the dark (‘Oblivion’ at Paramount Studios) despite my enduring fear of rollercoasters
2. …the time I asserted myself and confronted a powerful person I was afraid of
3. …the time I decided to face my fear of heights and ended up crawling on my hands and knees along a narrow and steep mountain path
4. …the time I accepted a dare to strike up an authentic conversation with total strangers on the tube, (it took me days to build up the courage).
5. …the time I rode a horse (yep another fear) and just as I started to feel safe, the guy in front of me fell off his horse
6. …the time I walked across fiery hot coals at the Anthony Robbins event, ‘Unleash the Power Within’.
What are you putting off because of fear?
Do my fears seem silly to you or can you identify with some of them?
What fears can you identify for yourself? Think about the times you’ve avoided making that sales call, taking up that new opportunity, speaking in public or launching a new product or maybe just quietly settling for what feels safe and familiar. Sometimes we don’t even recognise that we are afraid, because we’ve given up trying and just want to avoid those uncomfortable feelings. It can seem easier to say we don’t want something anymore. This is very common and can be very hard to admit to yourself.
Even when you are a confident person every time you try something new, the fear comes back. Every time I’ve conquered my fear it has really helped me to grow and increased my sense of wholeness and contentment.
What can we do about fear?
Most of the people I coach know they need to regularly overcome their fears and doubts to get to the next level they want to reach in their business. They are strong, confident and caring people who are willing to face and examine their vulnerabilities and strengths in order to grow. Coaching simply helps them move forward faster and to enjoy the growth process more.
As I’m sure you are aware, fear has a purpose. It’s a necessary part of life, a feeling that is designed to warn us of danger and prepare us for a quick escape so we can continue to survive as a species. But, as has also been well documented, the level of fear we feel in modern life is often exaggerated by our minds in relation to what we are dealing with. So making a sales call is not the same as wrestling with a hungry sabre-tooth tiger, even if it feels like it might be.
As I look back at each of my fearful situations, the build-up was actually the worst part. The lead-up was the phase where I imagined all kinds of disaster scenarios. The rollercoaster turned out to be a lot of fun in the end, the scary person turned out to be amazing and wonderful, the hot coals walk was ridiculously exciting, the strangers on the tube turned out to be warm and interesting. Truthfully… I’m still scared of heights and horse-riding, (some fears never seem to go away) but I am proud I faced my fears and I will continue to do so.
What’s my next fear challenge? Well I’ve been invited to try a zip wire in Cornwall by my adventurous mother and I’d love to see what that experience is like. I’m really not sure how safe it is and I absolutely hate extreme heights but… I’ll bet it’s a beautiful view, so watch this space!
3 ways to deal with fear
Here are three things I do to get my scared-side back on my side:
- Benefits – I get in touch with my Vision and my big goal. When I feel 100% inspired I am ready to take a leap even if my heart is racing. I don’t want to do things just to feel afraid or to serve my ego. I’m not a thrill –seeker. I have to want the result that a particular challenge brings and then I just have to take action because to not do so would seem like missing out.
- Contribution – I think about the people I want to support through my business. Connecting with the new opportunities I can create for myself and others always inspires me. For example, I remind myself that my sales call is simply a conversation to see if I can help someone. They will either say ‘yes’, ‘no’ or ‘maybe’ and all of those responses are fine.
- No Way Out – sometimes I choose to make it impossible to turn back. I have to ‘trick’ myself to do this: I get myself all fired up and ‘in the zone’ and then I make that appointment, or I press ‘send’, or I stand up and speak out.
How do you deal with fear? I’d love to hear your stories too.
Got a Dream? Got a BIG Goal? Move beyond your fears: download a free chapter from my book, ‘Turn your Vision into Results’ and get started on making some serious progress today.
